Time Has Flown

It seems almost impossible that an entire year has slipped by already.  A year ago this past Sunday, April 3, 2015, was when my husband moved out of our home.  At the time I thought I'd be just fine.  But, underneath, I also thought it would be quite difficult.  Both were pretty much true.

There were plenty of things to keep me busy...like all the un-done chores and painting and setting up a daily schedule for Chores and my huge To Do List.  There was time I took just for myself...to heal my heart.  There was time that I devoted to my 3 Pups...to get them through the first couple of months of them missing their "daddy"...and driving me crazy every single time they heard a noise and thought it was him.

I wasn't at my best when he left...overweight, by quite a bit...weak, dragging butt to do anything, even the slightest thing around the house.  Sure, I had bursts of energy and got some things done, but on an every day basis...I didn't have the energy I needed.

All these many months later, I'm many pounds lighter...actually 67#.  I'm able to do alot more without getting tired.  I've had rough days...and lots of good ones too.

Am I fine?  No.

Oh yeah, I'm doing OK...but not truly over everything.  I don't have closure.  There's that word so many people throw around.  Closure.  

I'm still married.  But, I feel like a widow, since my husband was here one day and gone the next.  We don't talk, I haven't seen him since he left and said he'd be back home in a few weeks.  It's like he's gone POOF!

Today I saw the new Doctor, mainly to see if I could get a medical excuse to not have to be on Jury Duty in Detroit, of all places.  Not only did I get that excuse, which she faxed to the Court...but I got a lot more.  She could see how stressed I was...not only in my face...but my blood pressure.  So, now I will be taking blood pressure medication.  Hopefully, with more weight loss and the pills, it will make a big difference.  Like they always say, people who have high blood pressure don't feel ill.  I certainly didn't.  I also go back to see her in a few weeks...for fasting blood work.  Oh yippee!

I guess all of that comes as we get older and we're under stress.  

She asked me alot of questions today, which I really appreciated.  And after hearing some of the things that have transpired in the past year, she asked if I was in counseling.  I said no, that I was doing well.  But, I've been thinking...maybe it would be a good thing to see someone, join a church group or something...just to help me adjust a bit more...to get me off to a good start in the 2nd year of my life...on my own.

Some of you may remember my posts on Domestic Violence.  I did those a few years ago, for quite some time...and then abruptly stopped doing them.  I suffered at the hands of an abuser, who beat me many years ago.  ONCE!  That was it!  I left him.  Didn't take phone calls from him or anything.  I shared that here.   The reason for the end of my posts on the subject of Domestic Violence?  I felt awful posting about it and suggesting those suffering to get help...when I was suffering myself...and NOT getting help.  

With Alzheimer's, comes lots of symptoms.  Lots of symptoms.  I'd been emotionally beaten down...and physically injured as well, by the man I loved and was married to.  But, I didn't feel I could LEAVE him...because this was caused by a medical condition...and he wasn't himself any longer.  I'm thankful [I know that sounds odd] that he left - for both of our sakes.  I have forgiven him for all of the things that transpired between us.  I wish him well.  Being able to do that, was a gift from God.

But...there is still "stuff" that bothers me...upsets me...makes me wonder if I'll ever have a life again, if I will ever be the outwardly active person I was before all of this.  So, maybe I will seek out someplace where I can get some help...like a group at church.

I'm healing my body, now I need to continue healing my mind and spirit as well.

Please, include me in your prayers...I appreciate them so much.

Hugs,

Jan